Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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