I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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