The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If I die, sorry about rent.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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