You can't special order awesome
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
