I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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