it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You pole danced in your parka.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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