Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize