he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
