I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
