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I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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