Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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