when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
