i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize