i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
