So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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