I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you will always have a special place in my vag
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
