You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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