What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
