you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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