guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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