Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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