Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
