We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
