I hate your face
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
