she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
