I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
