Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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