i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
