Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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