I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
