i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
