wanna go halves on a baby?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
