ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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