Pants 0. Shit 1.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
