All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
