I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
