Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
