I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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