Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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