We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
