two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
