Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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