it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
