you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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