I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
