you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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