sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize