Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
