I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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