now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
