nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
