Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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