Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
