you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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