I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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