I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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