i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
