i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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