oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
