I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
