God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize