I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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