I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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