his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
