I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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