It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
one might say we're banned from that church
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
