..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
