somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
